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An Unspoken Frustration Many Of Us Feel At Some Point
Let’s be honest: there’s a particular kind of emotional weight that comes with the changes we see in our faces as we age.
The softening of the jawline, the deepening of nasolabial folds, the subtle (or not-so-subtle) southward motion of once-youthful contours, the eleven-lines (the deeper lines between the brows), sagging skin and loss of firmness.
The way our face seems to be changing shape, even when our skin itself still looks relatively good.
I would say maybe it’s just me, but I know for sure I’m not alone.
Lower face ageing, sagging and ‘jowly bits’ are some of the most frequent conversations I have with customers, and even friends and family.
It’s the point where I hear women talk about how they feel they’ve aged overnight, or 10 years in one. I completely understand that feeling.
For many of us, even if our skin itself still looks ‘good’ — smooth, relatively clear, and fairly line-free — it’s these deeper structural shifts that can feel the most confronting.
It can feel like watching gravity quietly rewrite your face.
At 49, I see it in myself too.
When I look back at pictures of myself at 25, 35, 43, there’s a big shift from my youthful face full of collagen to where I am today.
Even more noticeable than the collagen loss are the structural changes in terms of bone, fat and muscle mass.
I often catch my reflection and think: “If this is what it looks like now, where will I be at 60? 65?”
“Should I go down the injectables route?”
“Am I leaving it too late?”
Then I also look at some of the most beautiful women I know who are years and decades ahead of me, and I love the way they look.
But why do I find it so hard sometimes to reconcile that in my own life and with my own reflection in the mirror?
The Duality We Rarely Talk About
There’s a quiet kind of grief that sometimes sits just beneath the surface.
So much of the conversation around ageing tells us we should only feel gratitude for every year we're given, for every line that marks a life well-lived.
And I do feel that gratitude.
I’ve also known loss very early in my life; brutally and suddenly losing my parents in a car accident when I was still young taught me how precious it is to simply be here, so I do understand that perhaps more than most.
But alongside that gratitude, I sometimes catch my reflection and feel something else — a sense of loss for the face I used to know so well.
In the process, I think many of us live with a quiet tension that isn’t often acknowledged.
We’re told — sometimes even lectured — to simply embrace ageing, to be grateful for every year, and to accept every change with open arms.
And yes, I am deeply grateful. I don’t take growing older for granted.
But at the same time, some days I also find myself wishing I could hold onto certain parts of myself a little longer, for the younger me to stay around just a little longer.
This isn’t vanity. It’s simply the complex reality of being human.
We can feel deep gratitude for life while still grieving the changes we see. We can celebrate who we’re becoming while still missing who we once were.
We can feel thankful and still feel uneasy.
We can value life and still care about how we’re changing.
Both can exist together, and I think that’s a truth many women quietly carry.
And allowing space for both makes the journey more honest — and far less lonely.
The Missing Piece Most Beauty Conversations Leave Out
Here’s what’s often missing from the conversation around ageing skin: the crucial difference between surface-level skin concerns and the deeper structural changes that occur with time.
Most beauty brands focus only on what happens at the surface, rarely addressing the deeper, more complex shifts we experience as our facial structure ages and changes.
They talk about fine lines, dryness, and texture changes — but they stop short of explaining why your face might feel like it’s changing shape.
This isn’t your imagination. And you’re not alone.
At Ané Skincare, we call this approach Proactive Ageing — not because we pretend to stop ageing, but because we believe in being actively involved in supporting your skin’s resilience, function, and appearance as you age.
We’re not bystanders to the ageing process.
We can be active participants in how we age and change as time goes on.
Here’s the hard truth: no topical skincare product can stop these structural changes, no matter the kind of promises a brand makes.
Many products are sold with implied promises of “lifting”, “sculpting”, or “filling” — but these claims often set customers up for disappointment when real-world results don’t live up to their promises.
But what we can do is deeply understand what’s happening, why it’s happening, and how we can support our skin (and ourselves) through it.
This is not about chasing perfection, fixing our faces or fighting ageing with everything we have.
It’s about proactive care, realistic expectations, and giving ourselves the best possible foundation for the years ahead.
Sagging and structural changes aren’t caused by one single thing.
It’s a multi-layered biological process that involves both the skin itself and the deeper scaffolding beneath it.
At the surface level, we often focus on lines and wrinkles as signs of ageing.
But structural changes are far more connected to the Extracellular Matrix (ECM) — the collagen, elastin, hyaluronic acid, and glycoproteins that give skin its bounce, firmness, and volume.
What’s happening:
As we age through midlife, peri- and menopause and beyond:
Even if your skin surface still feels smooth and even, the thinning and weakening of this underlying matrix make it less able to resist gravity.
Much like a well-upholstered chair whose filling is slowly degrading.
Underneath the skin, our face is also held together by distinct fat compartments that provide youthful volume and contour. With age, these pads lose volume (atrophy), shift position (descend), or in some areas gain fat.
Key fat pad changes:
What can make this so difficult emotionally is that it’s not just “skin” getting looser — the entire architecture beneath is subtly reconfiguring.
This is where we sometimes look in the mirror and feel as if we’ve aged 10 years in one, or as if we’re just looking ‘older’ overnight.
Maybe you can relate?
Most people don’t realise that our facial bones shrink over time.
Starting as early as our 30s, we begin to lose bone density in the bones that form the shape of the face.
This bone resorption gradually affects:
As the underlying bony scaffolding diminishes, the soft tissues lose the support they once had. Think of a tent with slowly shrinking poles — even if the fabric is intact, the whole structure sags.
This contributes heavily to:
Just like the rest of the body, facial muscles lose mass and tone with age. Facial muscles don’t atrophy in the same way as skeletal muscles, but:
The gradual weakening of muscle tone contributes to softening contours, drooping mouth corners, and reduced structural support beneath the skin.
Small cumulative changes in facial muscle tone can subtly alter facial expressions, eyebrow position, and dynamic folds.
In women, estrogen loss during perimenopause and menopause dramatically accelerates all of the above processes:
This is one reason so many women notice lower face ageing accelerating dramatically in their late 40s and 50s — even if they’ve always taken great care of their skin.
For me personally, when I look back over the years, it was around the time that I had my hysterectomy (2019) that I can definitely see my face shape changing the most - and faster than it has done before. It's never just one thing, but I believe all the hormonal changes specifically around that time definitely played a role - and continue to do so.
Let’s be very clear: skincare can make a real difference — but with important caveats.
Skincare works best on the surface skin and complexion component of ageing changes.
What it can’t do is rebuild lost bone, lift descended fat pads, or restore muscle volume.
These actions can improve skin density, firmness, plumpness, and texture, which helps soften the visual impact of underlying structural changes.
While they don’t rebuild lost bone or fat, they can create a healthier, more resilient appearance that holds its integrity better as deeper changes occur.
A stronger, healthier skin matrix helps buffer and mask some of the deeper shifts over time.
But protecting, strengthening and preserving your ECM is your best shot at keeping your skin’s firmness and resilience for as long as possible.
Understanding these boundaries is actually empowering because it allows you to use skincare for what it truly excels at — strengthening your skin — while letting go of unrealistic expectations that lead to frustration.
While topical products can’t replace structure, you do have meaningful ways to support your face’s underlying resilience, in addition to your skincare routine:
Nutritional support:
Lifestyle factors:
This holistic approach — combining science-backed skincare with internal support — represents the most proactive strategy we have for slowing visible ageing.
If you’re truly concerned by structural changes, this is where certain in-office treatments can offer support alongside your skincare.
I would suggest that even if you opt for Professional Aesthetic Treatments that you would still combine with good quality skincare in a consistent routine, adequate sun protection, nutritional and lifestyle factors to protect and maintain your skin quality.
Note: These are options to consider, not requirements. And they come with their own risks, costs, and emotional considerations. Always do your research and only use qualified, registered professionals.
This is not a subject I can personally speak on as I’m not using any of these treatments. For now, I’ve decided to focus only on my skincare, skin quality and lifestyle factors as much as I can, but who knows what may happen in future.
The truth is: none of us can stop time. We all know that.
We all age. We’re allowed to age.
We’re all in this together, regardless of the route we take on our own ageing journeys.
Love your age, any age.
Love the way you look at your age, any age.
This is all good.
But, should you want to — and there’s nothing that says you should— know that you can influence the pace and quality of how visible ageing shows up — to an extent.
And how we respond to it emotionally, facing ourselves in the mirror?
That’s fully in our control.
When you understand these deeper processes, you’re no longer vulnerable to exaggerated marketing claims or impossible promises.
Instead, you’re equipped to build a resilient, realistic, proactive plan that supports your skin and your self-confidence for the long term.
At Ané Skincare, we’re here to give you real tools — rooted in science, not empty promises — to strengthen what can be strengthened, slow what can be slowed, and support you through it all.
This is exactly why we focus on skin longevity, not empty “anti-ageing” rhetoric.
If we’re ‘anti’ anything, it’s anti-inflammation — but we’ll unpack that in more detail in a different blog.
We take a Proactive Approach.
When you know and understand what is happening, you can re-engineer the steps to address it.
Instead of asking “How much worse will it get?” we can ask:
“What do I have the power to strengthen and support right now?”
That’s the heart of proactive skin longevity.
Key Takeaways
Because ageing is certain.
But how we age? That part is still in our hands.
My Daily Favourites & Recommendations
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed trying to find a sunscreen that actually does what it promises—and feels good to wear—this guide is for you.
Inside, I share the sunscreens I personally use and recommend most. From dermatologist-favourite Heliocare to lightweight, invisible ISDIN formulas and clever tinted options from Colorescience, these SPFs are chosen for their proven protection, elegant textures, and compatibility with real life (and real skin).
You’ll learn why certain filters, antioxidants, and “broad-spectrum” claims matter—and how these products help prevent visible ageing, pigmentation, and loss of firmness over time.
Confused by all the SPF jargon? You’re not alone.
This helpful sunscreen shopping checklist helps you finally decode sunscreen labels and helps to clarify terms and symbols like SPF, PA++++, and “broad spectrum”, what they really mean for your skin health and why they matter if you want to slow visible ageing, reduce pigmentation, and protect your collagen long-term.
I share the simple checklist long with my personal sunscreen recommendations—tried-and-tested favourites that I use every single day. From innovative mineral formulas to ultra-light fluids and tinted multitaskers, these products make consistent protection effortless.
Consider this your friendly, no-nonsense roadmap to choosing the right sunscreen for your skin type, your concerns, and your lifestyle—so you never feel overwhelmed in the skincare aisle again.
A Skincare Staple, Reimagined: The humble face cloth, or flannel if you prefer, is making a powerful return in skincare, offering a gentle yet effective way to cleanse, exfoliate, and remove makeup. At Ané, our Dual-Sided Organic Cotton Muslin and Microfibre Face Cloths are designed for versatile, low-fuss cleansing that's kind to your skin and the planet. Dive into our comprehensive FAQ to discover why this skincare essential is a must-have for a soft, smooth radiant complexion.
